Umathanda ukushela...

Ngina 34 futhi ngimuhle ngiyazithanda, umyeni wami uZwane una42, indoda
yamadoda, insizwa ziphelele...and uyangibhebha, ukuthi nje waganwa
yisifebe lesi esiyimina.

Maye ubufebe buyangibulala mina...ngingu-secretary and ngihlale
ngihalela lama-board members aphuma engena kanye nama shareholders
a-rich. Angifuine mali yabo, umyeni wami is wealthy, ngisuke nje ngifuna
ipipi...uma umuntu eke wazama ukungeshela ngivele ngimnyanye unomphelo.

Khona bese ngizibambe two months nginganiki muntu, yilokhu ngagcina
ngalomfana wakwaNtuli eSikhawini engamtshontshisa eflethini likaZandile.

Nakhu sekungiphindile ngipha lomfana uThulani ongumngani kamfowethu
omncane uZipho ngimupha nje dede igolo lami, igolo likaZwane, uMangethe
wami kodwa bakithi...

UZwane akekho uku-business meeting eCape Town so mina ngiziyele epartini
nabangani bami khona lapha eRichards Bay

Sikulo belu iflethi likaZandile eBay...ngiyabhejwa sterek...ngisho
uZwane uyangibhebha kodwa namhlanja he has met his match (isaphila saka
phela eyami indoda and ingibhebha ka-four ngesonto, so angilambi ukuthi
nje ubufebe buyangibulala)...

Kona ngithathe ngamawala kuJameson kade silaphaya epartini...ye-get
together nabangani bami esagcinana nabo oNgoye 13 years ago.
bekungamele
ngivumele uZandile angideshele, bekufanele ngicele yena ubarman
kucashbar...ngishaye nje ingilazi eyodwa ngezwa kuthi zwii
ikhanda...Kuthe sekudanswa, uThulani adanse eduze kwami ngigqoke
lesiketi esinomqhewu ethangeni, athi kumina ave engihalela...ngithi
mina, ngeke ulunge mfana wami, kuyongena konke namasende
phakathi...siqhubeke sizidansele, yazi ngizwe ukuthi logologo ungihlezi
le ezansi...ngiqhanyelwe ngini nje manje...ngize ngiye etoilet
ngilikhumule iphenti limanzi te ngilifake esikhwameni ngizesule
ngi-refreshe...ngivuselele nothwizo wami omncane ..ngiphindele
emdansweni...vele cha bandla ngaphiwa ngiyazijayivela nomzimba wami
uyangivumela...Ngizwe ukuthi kukhona ongibukayo ngidansa, awakhe amehlo
ayangihlaba impela...ngiqalaze ngibone uThulani ethe njo okhalweni
lwami..ngimnyiphele, ngingadlala lomfana. Omunye umqondo ubuye uthi nali
ipipi likuzingela...usuqale nini ukulesaba? Ngizwe ngiqhanyele ngempela
manje.



Ngivele ngesende i-SMS, a very daring one ngitshele uZandile (Mrs
Ngcobo) ukuthi ngicela ukusebenzisa iflethi lakhe kancane. Ok, uZandile
naye ushadile, kodwa akagangile, uyangi-understanda, kodwa does not
condone what I do. Ama-spare keys ache asehlala kumina. Umyeni wakhe
u-based eBloemfontein. Yena usebenza eMondi, kanti mina ngesebenzela
inkampani yo-engineer lapho ngingumabhalane weCEO.

But kunzima ukuthi angikhuze ngoba sobabili a year ago sake sabhejwa
abanye obhuti abasebenza eHillside...

Abe esefonile-ke uZandile.

"Kodwa oh, ubani lona osufuna ukuyomqhobozela?" ebuza.

"Awukahle Zandi, can I drive there, I need another favour?"

"Hhayi bo, angifune kukwenzela ama-favour ubani lona?"

"Ok, uThulani..." ngisholol phansi, avele agegetheke ahleke.

"ok, hamba, ngizokufica khona," asho.

Ngibhale inote encane ngiyise kuThulani, inekheli lalapho okumele
angifice khona in the next 30 minutes. Angisaqhanyelwe.

UThulani ufika ngiqeda kuthatha ishower, sekuthanda nokuthi damu egazini
ukuqhanyelwa..ungena ngiyagcoba amacosmetics kaZandile...ngimbone
esengaphakathi kanti angikhiyanga...ngisakhamisile sengathi ngibone
umbono angixhume ulimi emlonyeni ngize ngicokame. Ebe ekhumula belu..

Akekho okhulumayo...angincele amabele omabili elokhu ebrusha izinza,
ngizwe ukuthi ngiyafudumala...angilalise embhedeni angibhekise
phezulu...ekhumula naye kancane kancane waze wasala nqunu nqu. Hhayi bo
unomthondo ongaka lomuntu phela ngizolimala lapha, ngiyothi kuZwane
bekwenzekeni mina.

Aqale angidlalise umsunu iminwe yakhe yehle yenyuka lapho mina
ngiyadlikizela nje, futhi leliflethi likaZandile livele lingiqhanyelise
ngendlela eyisimanga...

Eze angimunce ubhontshisi..kade ngilokhu ngiquma kwale manje ngikhale,
"kwaze kwamnandi Thulani ungayeki..." ngiyezwa ngizochama manje, igolo
uma lishisa kanje akusekho ukuphindela emuva..

UThulani usegxamalaze phezu kwami umthondo wakhe ulengela kumina
namasende angijamele ulokhu ewugudlisa phezu kwamabele...angikhumbule
mhlazane ngidliwa yi-lecture eBhekuzulu Hall emva kwegame yebasket ball,
lapho i-lecture yamashikisha amabele ami ngomthondo ngachama
ngingakabhejwa. Nakhu kungiphinda. Awabambe amabele and sandwiched into
yakhe phakathi kwawo ngivele ngihlanye ngichame ngisathio
ngizozibamba...ubhizi akayekile ukudlalisa umsunu wami...ngithi
ngisachamile kuphinde kufike lokho..kube sengathi amaglobe
ayacisha...kanti usevele wehla wawudla ngomlomo umsunu...amadevu ache
nentshebe ayengigudla kamnandi emsunwini...imilenze uyivule yonke ithe
santu...isibumbu ngisinikele kuyena sonke...ngizwa ulimi sengathi
seluphakathi kwizindonga zegolo...lapho kuhaya khona...mina umqondo
sengathi uhambile...ezindlebeni kuthi nswiiiiiii...imisindo yezinsimbi
zonjiniyela... uthe esuka wayengiphendula engilalisa ngesisu wangikhotha
izinqe ngadlikizela ngizwa sengathi ngibanjwa ugesi...ehle nawo
umnsinsila aze akhone ididi...angngithi ngizowukhuza lomhlola
owawujwayelwe ukwenziwa uMangethe sisanda kuqomana...kodwa ngezwa
sengathi kunezambane eligcwele umlomo nje... walikhotha ididi ngasho
ngakhala.

"Thulani babyboy...sengicela ungibhebhe manje mina ngifuna umthondo
wakho ngifuna uthundele kumina..."angiphendule kancane kancane ngibheke
phezulu..athathe imilenze yami ayigaxe emahlombe
ache...sibhekane...ubuso nobuso...what a sexy man...

Aqale awugudlise umsunu engafuni ukuwufaka...ngithe ngingazelele
ngiwuzwe bhuxu phakathi ame angafendi, ngivele ngife mina lapho umzimba
ungenwe amadlingozi ngize ngizifendele just to relieve the joyful
misery...ngiyawuzwa ungene shi kusele izigaqa zamasende kuqhuma imisipha
lapha kumina..

Aqale afende...slowly nginswininiza mina ngaphansi ngi-helpless against
ipipi lakhe, mina angazi ngizochaza ngithini kulento ngibhejwa sterek
kushayana amathambo ethu...kuqhuma usuzo lwempilo oluqhamuka khona egolo
lami engilithe hleke lonke..uThulani uyalidla uke afende aze atsheke
ngibone ukuthi ufuna ukungikhipha inkani...kuwo lowo mnyama ngizwe
ukuthi kukhona ongincela amabele ami ngomlomo okungewona neze
owendoda...ngomlomo othambile...uma ngivula amehlo uZandile naye unqunu
nqu. Kuthi angithi yini kodwa sfebe uzongiphazamisa...kodwa indlela
ayengincela ngayo angazi noma uyena yini owayengichamisa noma
uThulani...ngasho ngengila nje..



"Awe mahhh...ngiyachama...awe nkosi yami....shuuuuu..."
ngidedele...angiqinise manje uThulani efenda ...kunesibuko ku-ceiling
engangimbuka kuso...engigijima ngomthondo wakhe engingena okwelunga
lebutho likaBhambatha eNgome...ngichame futhi...

Aphume uThulani engakachami...ngibone edonsa uZandile ngesandla
emphendula embhekisa lena...washaya eqhamuka ngemuva ngakubona kukhamisa
okunguZandile kuzwa ipipi lingena liphuma, mina ngisahlabe
ikhefu...ngiyahefuzela okomgodoyi wensikazi uqeda kubhejwa yichalaha
ngoFebruary...Ngiyabona uThulani wayengafuni ukungiyekela ngiphole,
ubhebha uZandile nje mina ungidlalisa umsunu omunye umunwe uphakathi
engquza...uwunyakazisa sakungikopa...siyabhejwa sinoZandile uyakhala
naye ubumayemaye sengathi ubona ingane imuka noThukela...

"Waze wangibhebha Thulani baby...waze wangi....awe ma kumnandi
babaa...kumnandi...awu...yoooo.." lapho uZandile useze wagoba umhlane
izinqa sizokhalweni lukaThulani ingquza umnike yonke, uyalibhebha igolo
lomfana usethe nje ne kumfazi womuntu isishwapha sishone sonke ezinqeni
zikaZandile...yena uThulani belu ubheke phezulu sengathi yiJuda
likhuleka...uyaquma nje nje okwengonyama ibambe inyamazane...

Nansi imfihlo zinsizwa...

Mina sengathi umqondo wawungihambela kakhulu ngoba ngaze ngazizwa
sengidlikizela futhi...kanti sengiyachama, uThulani ungiphethe bo
ngeminwe...kuthi xhafu xhafu engquza...yena usemanzi te sengathi
use-ringini yesibhakela...

Akuphendule lokhu okunguZandile akubhebhe izinyawo zakho kuzigaxe zonke
emhlane wakhe...mina angisabhejwa lapho. Ngiziduduze ngomunwe, kubuye
kwale ngishone khona...ngize ngemuva ngifike ngincele amasende
kaThulani...ngimuzwe engibamba ezibalisela "uzongithundisa Busisiwe.."
ngimyeke ngize kumy friend...ngenhloso yokumncela amabele
naye...usezongibangisa indoda impela eyifice kahle ingibhebha kamnandi
kanje...

Ngishaye isiphambano samaRoma aKhatholika qede ngiwangenele amabele
omfazi...ngiwancele..cha bandla lihle iqiniso ngahluleka...ngezwa nje
itaste ekhakhayo....ngingamane ngincele umthondo ujuza amanzi egolo
ukunamabele esinye isifebe...

Ngimbone ukuthi usekhathele uZandile...hhayi bo kanti loThulani unani
yena wase esibhebha kangaka akangachama nje...eze kumina ngimvulele
lonke nami ngifuna ukumthandela ngemilenze njengoZandile...Awujikijele
umshini wakhe futhi usesibhebhisa okomahosha manje uThulani angiyazi
mina lento kwase kunuka ingquza phu layindlini. Wangibhebha ngagezeka
igolo...uthe esuka wathatha umlenze owodwa wami wawugaxa ehlombe
walijikijela...ngaphinde ngakhala, ngifunga amaNgethe ephelele.

"Ungibhebha kakhulu wena Thulani babaa...aweeee awe malo..." ngezwa
lelogagasi liza lashaya ngezwa sengathi ngikwelinye izwe...ngase
ngigezeke inhliziyo sengingasendaba noma angachamela uZandile...washo
wahlala kuyena izithonto...

Wambhebha njengami ngaze ngamzwela...kanti uZandile lona akabuyekile
ubufebe! Siyazifanela nje! Wambhebha umfana kwaze kwa-mover iqueen lena
esilele kuyona...ngiyabona wase echama uThulani ngenkathi embhebhela
indaba yokufa nokuphila...kwaze kwaphuma ibonding lena esekhanda
likaZandile...salala ja sonke imiqondo ihambi isishiyile...singakholwa
ukuthi sesibhejwe kanjena...uMangethe ngo Ngcobo ziwadle
bebhekile...abhejwa amagolo abo abawakhonze kanjena...awu siyizifebe
sinoZandile, uhlale engitshela ngalomngani wami uThabsile
waseMaritzburg, kanti naye!

UThulani walala khona kuthina sashintshana ngaye kwaze kwakhala
iqhude...inkinga useyangishela, selimphelele-ke igolo lamahhala ngoba
uyabhayiza wazi kanhle ngishadile, angiqomani, ngiyabhebhisana kuphela!





Nazi ezinye eziconsisa amathe. Zifundele uzwe
Isibonda somthondo 3
Unembeza
Umfazi kaMadlanduna
Ishende Lami
Ngamphinda umiss Nguse
Ngayilahla...
Yisono lesi...
Igolo legolide 
Sengomphindela eMhlanga umiss Ngus
Da hummer lady 
New Love

Mix on the Mixit

Charmer:......... hello

Switgal:............ hey
Charmer:........... info plz
Switgal:............. 15yrs, female, Durban & wena?
Charmer:............... mmmmmh nyc, 52yrs male Durban
Switgal:................. hawu 52! cha umdala shame
Charmer:................ lol yah ngyazi kodwa ave ngibathanda o sis abancane njengawe
Switgal:.................. ushadile?
Charmer: ...................nginengane yentombazane, ikwi bedroom yayo yenza i homework nomngani wayo
Switgal: .......................pho yini uthande ingane ezincane?
Charmer:............................... ngyazithanda ngoba zi fresh futhy zinhle
Switgal:................... lol. nam ngyabathanda obaba abadala, kumele sihlangane, vele nam ngise Durban nawe use Durban
Charmer: ...................kungaba kuhle lokho, ngingakulanda noma yikuphy ngemoto kusasa
Switgal: ........................kusasa ngiya eskoleni, ngeke kulunge
Charmer: ......................ohw konje, mhlampe nge weekend ke, iskole sibalulekile
Switgal: .............sisakhuluma ngeskole sekumele ngiqhubeke ne home work yami ubaba angangibulala uma engathola ukuthi ngiku mxit!

Charmer:................ imayelana nani leyo homework, mhlampe ngingakusiza?
Switgal: ........eye Life Orientation, ngyenza no mngani wam, kumele sifunde ngezilwane ezihlala olwandle
Charmer:............ AYBO!!! ukuphy ne Durban ?
Switgal:.............. Mt Edge Comb, Silver Lakes Complex. Ubuzelani?
Charmer:............. NONDUMISO?????!!!!!!
Switgal...............: BABA??????!!!!
CHARMER:.....IS NOW OFFLINE

Mthuthuzeli the man

1. Mthuthuzeli: I divorced my wife on the very First night.

Friend: Why, so?
Mthuthuzeli: I saw the label on her panties, "Tested OK by Biharilal Group."

**********

2. Mthuthuzeli: Pal, my wife is very much scared of water.
Friend: How can you say that.
Mthuthuzeli: When I go home at noon, I always see her taking bath with the
security guard.

**********************
3. Health Test:
For drawing blood for test the Nurse rubbed, pressed and played with Mthuthuzeli's finger.
Mthuthuzeli started laughing.
Nurse: Why are you laughing?
Mthuthuzeli: My next test is for Urine.
****************************

4. Happy and Sorrow:
Husband & wife was having dinner together.
Wife: Darling, tell me something that would make me both happy & sad.
Husband: Your nipples are better than your sister's!

*********************

5. Force of Habit

Mthuthuzeli told wife on honeymoon night, here keep this $200.00 as I never
did this free to a woman, just the force of habit.

Wife returned $100.00 to Mthuthuzeli and said, I never overcharged my
customers just the force of habit.

***********************

6. Burning Evidence:
Judge: Can you please tell me the exact place where this man raped your
wife?

Mthuthuzeli quickly lifted Lali's Skirt, who was not wearing underwear & said,
"At this spot my lord at this spot."