Cheesboy Vs i-awthi yase Kasi.

When she walks away from you very mad
Follow her to comfort her
Mshaye, she's trying to blackmail you ukuthi ungayitholi ikuku!!

When she stares at your mouth
Kiss her
Ask her yini, uyang'halela ?!!

When she pushes you or hits you
Grab her and dont let go
Put on ur All Star's um'trape!! Aze axolise

When she's quiet
Ask her whats wrong
Mthuke ngo mawakhe, uthuliswe ubufebe!!

When she ignores you
Give her your attention
Hamba uyophuza, she will give YOU all the attention

When she pulls away
Pull her back
Tell her 'tsek, there's a lot of fish in the sea!!

When you see her at her worst
Tell her she's beautiful
Mtshele ayogeza or athole a rich Nigerian to sponsor her, awusiye uTito Mboweni

When you see her start crying
Just hold her and dont say a word
Tell her akasiye umntwana kamawakho, angazokutetemela!!!

When you see her walking
Sneak up and hug her waist from behind
Ask her ' ubuyela ebufebeni futhi neh??'

When she's scared
Protect her
Mbambe ngenkawuza and tell her inkinga ikuphi ? !!!!!

When she lays her head on your shoulder
Tilt her head up and kiss her
Ask her ' Usudakiwe yini futhi?'

When she steals your favorite hat
Let her keep it
Mshaye avuke esbhedlela. Sela ndini! Ufuna ukuyongithakatha!!

When she teases you
Tease her back and make her laugh
Be serious like a Zulu taxi driver and don't smile. Mtshele ayodlala nontanga bakhe!!

When she looks at you with doubt
reassure her, listen attentively
She thinks u r cheating. Start cheating coz when u do it she will never doubt u!!

When she says that she likes you
understand that she really does...more than you could understand
She wants money!!! Dump her quick! Isfebe!!

When she grabs at your hands
Hold her's and play with her fingers
Ufuna induku!! Mudle Boss!!

When she bumps into you
bump into her back and make her laugh
Udakiwe futhi!! Umalale' spotini, mshaye!!

When she tells you a secret
keep it safe and untold
Tell anyone who cares to listen, spread it bhuti!

When she looks at you in your eyes
dont look away until she does
Tell her!! 'Yini wena, ungibona nginama&*%#'

When she misses you
make means to see her
Uyanya, kanti wena uzobabona nini omakhwapheni?

When you break her heart
feel bad cos u know the pain never really goes away
She deserves it. ISfebe!!

When she says its over
it's over, wish her luck and move on
Mtshele uyanya, it's not over until u say it's over, or that you were tired of her anyways!!

"It is dark in here"

A woman is having an affair during the day while her husband is at
work.
Her nine-year-old son comes home unexpectedly, sees the illegal lovers
and
hides in the bedroom cupboard to watch. Then the woman's husband
unexpectedly comes home.
She hides her lover in the cupboard, not realising that her little boy
is in there already.
The little boy says: "Dark in here."
The man says: "Yes, it is."
Boy: "I have a soccerball, do you want to buy it?"
Man: "No, thanks."
Boy: "My dad's outside, I'll call him if you don't buy it!"
Man: "OK, how much?"
Boy: "R250-00."
A few weeks later it happened again and the boy and the lover were in
the cupboard together again.
Boy: "Dark in here." Man: "Yes, it is."
Boy: "I have soccer boots."
The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy: "How much?"
The boy says:"R750-00."
The secret lover says: "Fine, I will buy them."
A few days later, the father says to the boy:
"Grab your ball and boots, let's go outside and have a game."
The boy says: "I can't, I sold them for R1000."
The father says: "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like
that..... R1000 is way more than those two things cost.
I'm going to take you to church and make you confess your sins."
They go to church and the father makes the little boy sit in the
confession booth and he closes the door.
The boy says: "Dark in here."
The priest says: "Don't start that shit again!"

Kafishane nje mfana

Saqala nje kahle saqabulana naleyangane kungajahiwe ndawo. Yangiqabula kamtoti ingane yabantu sakungikhotha ulimi nezindebe. Hhayi lendaba yokuthi umuntu akhiphele ngaphandle lonke ulimi njengentulo ibona ikokoroshe. Alufake ulimi umuntu aze agonyuluke. Emva kwalokho sakhumulana silokhu njalo simuncene. Ey, mfana isiphethe isibumbu leyangane.

Yavele yangikhumbuza I Billboard ye advert. Leya advert mfana inentombazane abavele bayishutha isibumbu. Ngasibuka mfana isibumbu ngakhumbula I Bonnet ye VW Beatle, uBafo la ezansi kimi wavele wavuka wema ngezinyawo. Ngasho ngenhliziyo ngathi:” Ngadla mina kababa!!” Kubuye pho lesosibumbu siphakathi kwanjani ukuba bomvu amathanga lawa. Very fresh mfana no scratches whatsoever.

Yehla mfana ingane yaqala ngomqala ilokhu igijima ngolimi. Yaya ezibeleni yazimunca kamtoti, yase yehla njalo ibheke enkabeni yayidlalisa ngolimi ngachazeka. Ithe isuka yehlela ezansi ngathi ukuphefumulela phezulu. Yafika ku “BAFO” mfana yathi ukumshayisa ingolela (Indlwabu) kancane, yase ingibuka ngqo emehlweni. Ngavele ngacimeza.

Yasuka lapho yamubamba mfana u’bafo” waqonda nto ebheke phezulu kwi roof yejondi yami. Yase ithi ukukhotha kancane amasende, ngavele ngathi “ AWE MAAAAA!!” Yathi dlengelele yangibuka, ngakhophoza. Yaphinda yathi ukuwathintathinta kancane ngolimi wona amazambane belu. Yase yenyuka slowly ngomthambo omkhulu ongaphansi kwenduku yami yaze yafika right on top at the tip mfana where it is most sensitive. Ay ke ayikaze ilidlale kanje ikhinqi lami ngolimi ingane wena ngiyakutshela.

Yalidlala yalidlala yase imufaka wonke mfana umthondo emlonyeni. The feeling engayizwa lapho mfana was out of this world. Ngavele ngathuka nami sengijika sengiya ngasezinqeni zayo kwazise phela mina ngingaphansi yona ingaphezulu kwami. Ngasusa okuyi G String lokhu ngakulahla lapha yasala obala impahlampahla. Ngathi ukuyidlalidlalisa ngomunwe mfana ngisacabanga whether I should really lick it. Yona lapha ibhizi iyehla iyenyuka ngomlomo ku Bafo wami. Eish ngacabanga masishane ngavele ngathatha ikhondomu ngayifaka olimini ngase ke nami ngiyakhothakhotha. Phela there is no way in hell! I was gonna lick that bare tongue.

Yo ngayizwa ivuma kancane yenanela kamtoti. Ngakhotha ngaqinisa ngehla ngenyuka mfana making sure that I cover as much surface area as possible. Hhayi nje indaba yokudayivela ubhonstini. Kumele wenze sure ukuthi you take your time and please her fully.

Hhayi ke sase siya kwi main course. Ngayivula imilenze ibe imise amadolo njengomuntu obelethayo. Ngaqale ngathi ukuyihlikihlikihla ubhontshisi ngamasende mfana. Yamubamba yona qobo lwayo uBafo yamuphise phakathi emomozini. Yavele yahayiza lapho ngayizwa ivevezela umzimba wonke, sengifenda kahle ngingajahile.

Ngiwudonse kube sengathi ngiyawukhipha, bese futhii ngiwuphisela phakathi wonke. Laphoke ngiyizwe ithi Oh my God, baby uyangihlanyisa!. Luckily ngiyakwazi ukuzibamba mina ngingasheshe ngichithe. Ngaqhubeka nje ngafenda nginganakile yona ilokhu ihayiza. Ngithe ngisuka ngangiyigxamalazela ngafaka imilenze yayo ngaphakathi, ngayiqondisa yenaba. Ngase ngiyaqhubeka Futhi nokufenda ngilele phezu kwayo. Ngifenda sengathi ngiyakhuphuka khona ngizoyikhuhla ubhontshisi.

Ngayibona ukuthi cha she is feeling me. Ngase ngiyiphendula Futhi still yanabile ngiyihlanganise imilenze yangifulathela, mina ngayigxamalezela yona ingaphakathi. Ngathi ukuphakamisa iqolo kancane. Ngawushisa futhi ngayizwa ithi” Oh yes baby please fuck me!” Phela ukuyihlanganisa imilenze kunciphisa inkomo, kwenze wena uzwakale kahle kuyo intombi. I continued ngilokhu ngiwunyomula ngiphinde ngiwujikijele. Sakwenza lokhu imizuzu ethi ayibe ishumi.

Ngithe ngisuka lapho ngayivusa ngayimisa phezu kwama telephone directories ngayincikisa obondeni (odongeni) ngayenza yadangalaza ibheke ngakimi. Ngaphinda Futhi ngayibheka kwaconsa amathe. Ngasondela ngawuphisela umthondo wavele nje wazishibilikela. Lapho sengiyithe nje nkamfu ezinqeni ngifenda sharply and ngenza sure ukuthi kusala amasende kuphela ngaphandle. Lapho ke mfana ngase ngishintsha amagiya. Ngiye ngoku increaser isivinini ngibuye ngehle. Nayo yavele yangenzela kwalula, isizisholo yona ithi: Faster, faster faster oooh oooh ohhh.

Nakhok’ Ok eeeeeasy babby” Nami ke ngenze njengaloko ifisa.Cha phela kwase kumele nami ngiqede, kwazise yona yabe isichame kathathu, three times! Ngayisusa odongeni ngayibambisa umbhede yangifulathela. Ngathi ukushaya okuyiqolo lokhu ngakushonisa phakathi. Ngayivula imilenze ngengaphandle lamadolo ami. Aw yavele yahlala obala yonke inkomo.

Ngawuphisela Futhi umthondo ngezwa kukitaza phakathi ethanjeni, ngisho nasemnkantsheni. Ngayibamba ezimbanjeni ingane yabantu ngangena ngajula. Akuphelanga isikhathi esingakanani ngezwa sekuqina obhonsi sathuthumela imizimba sobabili, kanti sesiyadedela.
Ubumnandi engabuzwa lapho lasted for a whole minute mfana. Kwathi makhathaleni yaphenduka ingane yabantu yangibamba sankonkoshelana isikhathi eside.

Ngithe sengiyolahla ikhondomu etiolet yangishaya izinqa yathi: “I never thought ukuthi you were this good”

Mfana ngabe ngiyaqhubeka kodwa ngizoma lapha ngoba ngiyazi usufile ukuqhanyelwa.

Second half,
Imbebhi

Nazi ezinye eziconsisa amathe. Zifundele uzwe Bamkhwela umama umfundisi Wabhejwa uThandi Nangu efundisa ingane ukubhebha lomisi... Unembeza Umfazi kaMadlanduna Ishende Lami Ngamphinda umiss Nguse Igolo legolide  Sengomphindela eMhlanga umiss Nguse  New Love

Indima yesifebe emindenini

* Isifebe asicucuzi, simane sikuphe nje which is what men need.

* Isifebe sihlale sishisa, the more isebenza impahlana the more
iba mnandi. Wozwa umfazi oshadile oneshende, nendoda yakhe imane
isangane nje uma ephuma kwenye indoda. Wena wake wayishayela imoto
ingakafudumali?

* Isifebe silivula lonke ikhekhe, asikuminceli, sikhalisa ngisho
ezisatshwayo izigora lezi.

* Isifebe asinamahloni, simane sizikhiphele ipipi silixhume
emlonyeni, uzwe indoda isihayiza.

* Isifebe asiphelelwa yimomozi ngoba siyakwazi ukuyisevisa.
Asiphumuli, siyazi ukuthi uma ike yaphumula iyabaleka indoda

* Isifebe siyinkinga kunkosikazi ngoba sishisa too much.

* Uma unesifebe sakho uyazi ukuthi sona sizokufikisa la umkakho
engafiki khona. Isifebe asihluphi, siyazwana nje nomfazi wakho, asibi
nenkinga yalutho, sikwazi ukumhlonipha ngisho eseduze kwaso. Sikwazi
ukuxoxa ngawe kuyena kodwa yena angazi ke ukuthi lendoda esikhuluma
ngayo uwena kanye.

* Asikhwahlani isifebe uwena ndoda ozikhiphela imali usinike
singayicelanga ngoba ubona kahle ukuthi uma ungakhiphi lutho,
sizogxuma nemomozi yaso econsisa amathe. Phela awuna say kwazise vele ngeke
wathi nkente ngoba vele siyinto kanoma ubani.

* Awusoze waphela umsebenzi wezifebe ngoba zinendima
eziyidlalayo emizini yamadoda. Indoda ethandana nesifebe ngeke uyibone
complainer. Noma ingafika kumkayo ekhala ngekhanda noma ngesilumo,
ivele ithi isaphuthuma ekhemisi, kanti izodlula esifebeni, ishayashaye bese
ibuyela ekhaya isisuthi.

* Isifebe asiyandisi ingculaza. Siyazi ukuthi kumele si condomayze ngoba
phela mkhulu umsebenzi waso la emhlabeni. Isifebe
asifani nomaqoma njalo laba ababizwa ngezikigi zokuchamela wonke
usikhotheni. Isifebe siyadunusa, sipetule, siyikhiphe yonke imomozi
siyakuzwisa wonke amacala ayo.

* Ngeke uzwe isifebe sithi "ungenza isifebe mina angenziwa
njalo, uyangiqeda phela manje". Isifebe sihlezi si ready, sishisa.

* Isifebe ukwazi ngisho ukweqa emsebenzini ufike uthathe
amabili ubuye ubuyele emsebenzini. Umfazi wakho wezinkomo umane akhuze
ibhadi nje athi awu baba ka Jabulani emini kangaka bazothini abantu?
Ungabe usazi nje ukuthi abantu bangenaphi ezindabeni zenu zasekamereni?

Umuthi wentando

Ungalinge ulokhu uthi uhamba ngomsebenzi kanti uyobonana nelinye
ishende sinedlozi lethu nathi madoda, one slimana day iyokubamba
indoda uyoswela umgodi wokucasha. Ngaphandle uma indoda yakho iwuvuma zonke
inganaki ukuthi ibuye ikulandele ukuze ibe nesure ukuthi unobani lapho uthe
uya khona nokuthi ulapho ngempela yini.

Uma uyintombazane usafuna umendo, indoda yakho uma iwu Sipho
ibize ngoSipho hhayi ngobaba ka Themba noma ngobaba. Ibize ngo honey,
lovey, sweety ngisho senishadile. Izingane azazi ukuthi ubaba uwu honey
kamama, zilibone uthando zilazi ukuthi luyini. Azazi futhi ukuthi kunento ekuthiwa yisex,
and that yenziwa abantu abafana nani abashadile hhayi izingane.

Hlala wenza ama suprises uma uwumfazi ushadile khona indoda
yakho ingeke yeswela injabulo. Uma indoda yakho iphuza, yithengele
utshwala, ukujabulele ukufika kwabangani bayo bezobuhlaba kwakho,
uhlale nabo njengoba nanenza zisathandana. Akakhangise ngawe noma
senishadile. Mqabule umkhwenyana wakho phambi kwezingane khona zizokwazi ukuthi
kuyathandwana lapha ekhaya. Nigeze nobabili ndawonye.

Izingane zikwazi ukuthi wena uyahlala nqunu nendoda yakho.
Bhushuzela ngezinqe endlini, ungalifaki iphenti, uzihlikihle endodeni
yakho, uma ubhontshisi ufutha, licele ipipi elakho wedwa, uma ungaliceli
zizolidla izifebe. Indoda yakho ikhathaze ngocansi ikhona ingeke ihambe
iyokufebela, ngoba ipipi lihlezi lisuthi. Vele ulifune emini kwabha
ipipi, uthathe izingane uziyise e Mc Donald noma emuvini bese uyabuya
uzodla ipipi imini yonke bese utshela umkhwenyana wakho alande
izingane, aziphekele, umtshele azitshele izingane ukuthi awuphathekile
kahle.

Thatha izingane uzivakashise kwagogo khona nizosala nodwa
nibhebhane nje I week end yonke, nihambe nezinkwara. Ubani owathi
azihamnjwa izinkwara uma sekushadiwe? Hambani nje niyodakwa ndawonye
njengoba nanivele nenza ningakashadi. Yini eyenza nishintshe uma
senishadile? Musani ukwenza umshado ube yi burden ukushintshe impilo
yakho ngoba zikhona izifebe zizomnika lokhu wena ongamniki kona.
Mtshele umkhwenyana wakho ukuthi uma ehamba ebuya ebusuku
ukuthi, whether he is there or not wena uzokwenza ucansi. Akazi phela
ukuthi awakho ama bhethri awakapheli and bakhona abanye abakubonayo
uma yena engekho. Mtshele ukuthi wena uyaqhanyelwa and uma uqhanyelwe
ufuna ipipi lakhe hhayi elinye but ke uma evuma ungalithola elinye nge
permission yakhe. Uma wenze njalo ke nkosikazi ngeke zilibone elidlalayo izifebe.
Ziyoze zisho ukuthi cha wayidlisa indoda yakho kanti cha daily idla
isibumbu ngomlomo nangepipi.

Mdlise ingquza ngomlomo. Uma engafuni udla ekabani? Nawe lidle ipipi ulikhothe
ulinxanxathe aze achame tsha tsha tsha.

Ungalinge uphathwe yikhanda ngesikhathi socansi. Uma wenze
njalo uthi endodeni ayihambe iyofeba, ihambe idla izifebe nomahrosha.
Ungalinge ube yiphoyisa lendoda yakho. Ikhulule, ungavuli ifone yayo,
ngoba nawe awuthandi kufundwe ama diary. Hleze ubambe I surprise azama
ukukwenzela yona. Ukhumbule ukuthi abafazi abaphethe manje, so if
kukhona o Mary o Joice no Thandekile ubokwazi ukuthi abaphathi bakhe
labo and uma umphathi emdinga kumele aye kuyena ayokwenza umsebenzi.

Zinake bo muntu wesimame. Ungalokothi ukhuluphale. Kuyagqilaza
ukubhebha isidudla, indoda iyokubalekela iyobamba izilenda. Be in
shape, work out, dress lovely ngendlela ehalisayo. Uma nihamba nobabili
emotweni, mvezele amathanga, umbambe ipipi, mkopise ingquza yakho,
mcele ame eceleni komgwaqo nibhebhane. Ungalinge umvumele abe nomkhaba.

Umkhaba usho umfazi olambayo, ofuqa indoda ngokudla anciphise ipipi
lendoda yakhe. Faka ama perfume anuka kamnandi, yenza ikhanda lakho
libukeke lilihle, uzicwecwe wenze sure ukuthi uyazihamba izinto
ezimnandi naye. Otherwise uzosho ukuthi uyasebenza kanti usezindaweni
ezimnandi. Wathenge nje amathikithi asebholeni ukuze nihambe
niyoplibuka naye. Have an interest ezintweni azithandayo naye khona
nizokwazi nokuxoxa ngazo.

Imishado yesimanje iphela ngama divosi, owakho ke, hlukaniswani
wukufa hhayi yisifebe. In short, bhebhisa indoda mfazi ndini ungayincishi
ingquza, eyayo yayikhokhela, iphakele ke yona, finish. Uma wenze kanjena,
nabasemzini bayohlezi bekuthanda ngoba indoda uyiphethe kahle.