The Lucky old Dude....

It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the
mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood.

When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the
whole family, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with
a big gift certificate envelope.

At the second house they presented him with a box of fine imported cigars.

The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing
lures.

At each of the houses along his route, he was met with congratulations,
farewells, cards, and gifts of all types and values.

At the final house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful young
blonde in a revealing negligee.
She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door (which she
closed behind him), and led him up the stairs to the bedroom -- where they
had a most passionate liaison
afterwards, they went downstairs where she fixed him a giant breakfast:
eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange
juice.
When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee.
As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the
cup's bottom edge.
“..All this was just too wonderful for words”, he said,”.......but what's
the dollar for?”

“Well”, she said, “last night, I told my husband that today would be your
last day ...and that we should do
Something special for you I asked him what to give you?”
He said, "....F#%K him ........give him a dollar."
She then blushed and added, “.....But the breakfast was my idea!”

Author: A worried married man osebashayile abantu...

I’M LOSING HOPE BAFWETHU!!!!

Hayi bafwethu ngeke, uthi kodwa kusahamba kahle uma kunje or must I say angboni ikhona into ezolunga in future uma kunje, or must I ask: basekhona oMama bakusasa?

Hey bafethwu, azibhejwa kanje izintombi zabantu la emnyango kuyabukiswa and it’s not even funny anymore.

Don’t get me wrong gents I am not here to clean the world, I go with the flow and you can categorise me kubantu abagangile, but recently I have been just hit by a thought yokuthi if abantu belahla kangaka…what about owakho?...or are you that type of guy who consoles himself ukuthi "it will never happen to me" or do you say "mina owami ngiyamthemba" or "owami ngamthola eyi virgin" akana exboyfriend, come on guys wake up and smell the coffee.

Mina ngididekile manje, even married women balahla like hell, they don’t even care anymore and believe me I’m talking from experience..baphelile abafazi babantu ema office especially kwa hulumeni, umfazi ufika esesula umlomo ntambama kuwena..what about owakho? (Scary)…I’m sure uyazibuza ukuthi what triggered me to write such, it’s because every weekend I see amantombazane azimisele ngokubhejwa and kuphele kanjalo..mind you..we refer to them as izigebengu, amakati,etc,…and kwamanye amajita ango Madam!!!

You find out ukuthi ulova uzolanda I cherry yakhe ntambama espani, wena kade u busy uyibhuxeka e-office, uyishayisa I doggy style or in some case uhambisa I sgebengu sakho early in the morning and usuzwa ngabantu ukuthi lomuntu uyalotsholwa…how cruel. Asikho isegebengu engake ngasibhebha esingenayo indoda e-straight, and labantu once bezwa ukuthi ushadile bavele baqhanyelwe more. Kodwa akekho o safe, married or not liyaqhuma isende, if I can count abantu esengibashayile since I got married…it’s not even funny.

Abantu abashadile once baba nezinkingana ezincane they revert back to their ex-boyfriends and tell them ngezinkinga zomshado bagcine bebhebhekile…what about owakho? Have you ever thought ukuthi njengoba ukwazi ukudla I ex yakho, owakho akadliwa yini I ex yakhe, if ungakucabangi lokho qala uvule amehlo. Ave kulula ukudla umuntu oseke wamudla before..ubala..uhlangana nomuntu owamgcina eTech kudala akunike I number, the rest is history. I feel sorry for umjita osothandweni nomuntu onengane nomunye ulova…ngoba uma wengane uyohlezi ebhejwa ubaba wengane noma bangaxabana kanjani..there will be always a soft spot.

Believe me, 80% of ladies reading this article are feeling guilty!!!! But what the heck…into engekho right imnandi. The time you are pointing a finger saying ngake ngamudla umuntu waleya bhari emine ibheke ngakuwena. One thing I have noticed recently, labosisi abanemali bama tender baphelile yi pipi, so if your girlfriend or wife is extremely successful kuma tender, bru believe me 99.5% bayamhlephula koMaspala (kodwa ke nawe uya benefiter) and or umngani wakho othize o powerfull uyamgingqa…..what about owakho?

Uke uthi uhleli nomuntu e roomin uqeda kumenza njalo kukhale icingo lakhe and she will request you to keep quite bese etshela I out yakhe ukuthi "ungabe useza ngisembhedeni already sengilele" kanti uyamxhopha....do you think wena akukaze kukwenzeke lokho kuwena (you must be a perfect somebody). Sometimes uthi ungena nje emcimbini sekukhona ofuna ukuthi uma sekuhanjwa ucela umu packager…(what the hell) intombi yomuntu njalo leyo!!! Hayi bafethu mina angisazi.

Angisaphathike kwilegenge ye long distance relationship, ababhejwa kanje abantu babantu emaflethini nasemiqashweni..uma wena ukwazi ukudla umuntu ohlala yedwa ngoba indoda yakhe ikude naye..owakho bayamyeka yini la eqashe khona ehlala yedwa, kanti yena akaqhanyelwa yini? Ngike ngasebenza makujana nami I know ukuthi izintombi nabafazi babantu benzani when away from their loved ones, bavele babe homesick, kuqhume isende.

Maybe umuntu usebhebhe kakhulu abantu babantu unintentionally and now someone has grown and you need to think outside the box and think this happening towards you. I once fucked a married woman and instead of me being excited I was so devastated by the whole ordeal. It’s time to ask yourself…what about owakho?

Yekani amadoda azicije

Abantu besifazane bahlezi bebuza ukuthi yini amadoda abe so obsessed ngosayizi bamapipi?
Umbuzo omuhle lo, ukube usuke ubuzwa umuntu onepipi.

Okufike kuxake amadoda, wukuthi the same bantu ababuza ukuthi kungani amadoda ekhathazeka ngosayizi wepipi, yibo kanye okuthi uma sebezikhininda bebojwana, ubezwe bethi : “Hhayi suka, uJoe akundoda yalutho, usho ngepipi lenyoni.”

Omunye umbuzo okhonzwe yimbokodo wukuthi kungani amadoda ekhonze kangaka izimbiza, imivusanduku nokuchatha?

Kodwa gwiqiqi uma sebehleli bodwa onkunzana uyezwa kuthiwa: "Mina lowo, ngathi ngingakafudumali nakufudumala ngamuzwa esekhefuzela ubala, uthe esuka wavele wachama. Nganyanyani lapho, ngavele ngamala same time!!"

Uma izinto zihambe kahle, kuba inqaba kayitshelwana, ubona ngezidlathi nje zivakashela izindlebe. Usisi umubone ede ewusimoyimoyi nje isinkwa sibona ibhotela.

Why indoda nendoda ilikhonze kangaka ipipi layo?
Why amdoda eqonywa abafazi abaningi?

Ipipi liyisikhali, indoda egwaza ngaso, ihlabane, ibuye inconywe, uma lilikhulu ngokwanele ukwenza umsebenzi walo ngendlela. Uma liqina ngqi lize liqhanse imithambo, kulapho kanye-ke la likhombisa khoan ukuthi yindoda nempela le hhayi indaba yokudlala, futhi ilicije kahle ngaphambi kwempi. Ngakoke
uma indoda iqonywa izintombi, isuke izicija iqinisekisa ukuthi isikhali ihlale isivivinya. Ukuze mhla kwadingeka sisebenze, ingananazi ukuhlaba enxebeni.

So, ningaphatheki kabi uma abenu abathandiweyo beqonywa. Bazicijela ukuthi uma bebuya, bahlabe kuzwakale ukuthi kudlule ingwazi la.

uMhlengza...

Hhayi bo nantu uhlanya

Wemngani wami ake ngikulandise ngodaba lwami nohlanya, Hhayi bo lwangibonda
ngomthondo nantu uhlanya bo.

Akuthi ngolwesine ntambama silungiselela ukuya emkhosini womhlanga owawuzoba
sesigodlweni Enyokeni Kwa NoNgoma. Phela mina nezintombi zangakithi
oZandile, uHlengiwe no Ntombithini sasizokhwela ibhasi, laphaya esitobhini
ephoyiseni.

Kwase kuqala ukuhwalala kunenkungu, kanti phela u Zandile no Hlengiwe
ngabezwa belokhu becula le ngaphesheya estobhini. Ngaphuma ngehlisa umhosha
ngezansi kwasekhaya, ngathi uma ngiwuwela nje, mameshana yini le ezanganeno,
Hha umuntu wesilisa, ngaleso sikhathi ngembethe ibhayi. Ngezansi isdiya vo
akukho phenti. Ngathuka ngafa uvalo, hleze angidlwengule lomuntu ozayo.

Sathi uma sizohlangana , Hhawu kanti uMhlengi, Uhlanya lwendawo. "Sawubona
Tshengisile, kusho yena. Ngivume sengikhululekile ukuthi kanti uMhlengi.
Yebo Mhlengi. Hhawu sisi ulibangisephi?

Ngiya le kwaNongoma. Ukhuluma nami nje isikhinjana sakhe sidabukile akukho
ngisho uziphu lo wodwa. Umthondo wakhe omkhulukazi uzihlalele ngaphandle.

Sisi Tshengisile ngicela ungiphe u 50c ngifuna ukthenga ugwayi. Kulungile
Mhlengi, ngigobe ngibeke phansi isikhwama, khona ngizokhipha imali
esikhwameni.

Hhawu sisi isinqe esihle kanje, nekhekhe elinje Yooo sisi!!! Usho nje
umambana ulibona lonke ngemuva njengoba ngigobile, phela lutho iphenti
kimina " suka lapha wena Mhlengi uzovaleka amehlo. Ngathi ngiyambheka,
mameshane usebhizi ushaya indlwabu omdala. Cha sisi ngiyazi ngeke wanginika
kungcono ngizijabulise ngayo indlwabu lene yami.

Hhayi bo oh kwayishaya indlwabu ukufa lokhu, lapho umthondo wakhe usuqhanse
umthambo, ugodo uqobo lwalo, wayishaya, wayishaya lapho ngimile, ingqondo
ihambile ngezwa kunyakaza ubhonshisi kushisa negazi. Ngambuka akekho
okhulumayo futhi akukho muntu oqhamukayo.

Ngathi ngithinta ikhekhe lami, ngezwa ukuthi ngimmanzi te, angikaze
ngiqhanyelwe kanje mngani. Ngathuka sengimbambile uMhlengi, naye wangibamba
ngezwa kushisa wonke umzimba, from toe to the very last piece of my hair, my
friend.

Mhlengi ngijahe ibhasi bandla ngabe.. Angibange ngisayiqeda inkulumo ngabe
sengiphansi, wahlwitha ibhayi engangilembethe ngasala ngesidiya vo. Sabuyela
eceleni, wawushaya phakathi ngawuzwa usho uthi ne wangifenda kathathu, three
times wawukhipha wathi "what is my name? ngathi Mhlengza!!! Waphinda
wawushaya ngavele ngachama oh. Wamemeza wathatha ulimu wakhotha wonke ujusi
ngangithi usuka nawo ubhonshisi. Kwangathi ngimbaselile wathi turn around
ngaphenduka ngadunusa ngabambelela esikhwameni sami. Wangifenda left, middle
and right of my cake elokhu ephinda kanjalo kanjalo. Iznqe lezi ezibambe
abuye kubengathi uyazipetula. Ohh kanjalo Mhlengza, right there Ohh!!! OOOh.

Uthe esuka wathi angilale ngibheke phezulu we oh wawukhotha ubhontshisi
kancane and tenderly kungathi umunca u ice cream Ngavele ngachama futhi.
Sisi do you want me to come now. No no no wagibela phezu kwami wangifenda
kancane, kancane efaka ulimu lwakhe ezindlebeni zami. Wabuza futhi do you
want me to come now? Oh yes mhlengza come ngithele ngivuvuzele, wawufaka
gently, wafenda slowly and faster and I was like OOOOHHHH.

Wangibamba wangiqinisa wabhongisa okwenkomo ihlantshwa nami ngakhalisa
okwesikhukhukazi sizobeka iqanda. Wachama ngezwa ngoketshezi luhamba
ngaphakathi kwami sengathi..eyi angazi oh.

Mngani angikaze ngiyizwe into enje, ukube akaguli nje uMhlengi, bengizomfaka
ubhebha mina ngedwa.Pho yisayilomu yodwa. Bheka sathi siqeda wasukisa
okwenyamazane egijima nomthondo usengaphandle kanjalo.

Ebhasini ngalala ngafa, ziyacula izintombi mina kudlala ifilimu ka Mhlengi.

Mngani wami ake sihlebe" Usuyabonga akaliboni alidlalayo ku Mhlengi.
Khonza kubo bonke.

Speed Kills...

Ayiphele bo indaba yesiyezi sika 3 minutes!!

Mthokozise umuntu wakho wesifazane nisaphila emhlabeni. Uma ulalela
iziyalo zabantu abadala izinsuku zakho ziyanda ezweni kanti nezinhlanhla
ziyanda angeke akubalekele noma sekunjani umuntu wesifazane ngoba
babaleka nje benziwa inina ngokuthatha izinto ngamawala.

Ngabe sewuke wayizwa na imfihlo yemishado eyimpumelelo gukuncela isinene
salowo omthandayo! Ngakhoke mtshele akuncele nawe bese umkhotha, kepha
uqinise ngapha angakubhontshisi! Uqaphele kepha ukuthi ubhontshisi lona
ayazwela ngakho ungaqali ngawo.

Qala umfudumeze ngokumgijima umzimba wakhe wonke ngezandla, ulimi, kanye
neminwe. Imizuzu ethi ayibe yishumi. Yehlisa isandla usiyise ngase
phentini.

Yehla njalo uze ufike kuyo imbobo yentokozo. Uma uthola
ukuthi sekunomswakama osukhona, ungajahi ukubhuxeka umthondokazi wakho.
Donsa umoya ukuze onoshobishobi
(sperms)
bahlehlele emuva. Yehlisa ikhanda lakho bese umkhotha
emgqeni wephenti, lokhu kuzomenza alangazelele kakhulu (anticipation).
Mehlise iphenti kancane kancane ungajahi, ukhothe leso naleso sigaba
esivelayo ngokwehlakwalo idilozi.

Loku kuphula ukulangazelela nokwenza ukuthi amahomoni
amsondeze esimeni sokudubula (orgasm). Ngalesikhathi kumele engabe
usuyalizwa iphunga lomjuzo wemomozi. Sebenzisa umunwe ophakathi
uwuhambise emseleni uqale ngemuva
ukhuphuke njalo sengathi uyangasenkabeni kepha ungawufaki phakathi
yet!

Qhubeka udlale kanjalo kuze kuphele umzuzu noma emibili. Ngalesikhathi
mvumele adlale ngomthondokazi wakho sakushaya indlwabu. Kepha ungamnaki
ngoba kungenzeka udubule uma unaka loko akwenzayo. Lapho umjuzo sewuqala
ukuba mningi sebenzisa iminwe emibili, Yifake enkomeni sengathi uyiyisa
ngaphezulu, yigobisele ngakuwe sakuqhweba umuntu. Dlala
ngayo ufune indawo ezwakala sengathi ingumsipha. Uma
ephefumula ungathi lendawana iyaqinaqina sakuminca. Uma usuyitholile
phinda udonse umoya ngoba kusekude la kuyiwa khona.

Dlalisa iminwe kuze kuphinde kufike ezinye izikhukhula. Ungakhohlwa
ukuthi sonke lesikhathi ube umkhotha izindawo ezifana namabele, emva
kwendlebe njalo, njalo. Udebe langa phezulu selutholakele ukuthi
luxhumene nemizwa kabhontshisi ngakhoke uma uqabula, qinisa ezindebeni
hayi indaba yokukhipha ulimi kuhle kwemamba. Lapho eseqala ehayiza
ungathatheki bese ufuna ukumkhwela, Qhubeka nomsebenzi wakho. Qiniseka
ukuthi ispiti sokuqabula nokukopa awusikhuphuli (speed kills).

kushintsha kwesipiti kungamphaphamisa bese kukubuyisela
emuva Khumbula ukuthi ngalesikhathi umqondo wakhe
awusebenzi ngakho ngcini isivinini ube nesineke ukuze
uwine. Sewungaqala ukudida ubhontshisi ngolimikazi lwakho.

Kepha luthambise futhi ungasheshisi. Ngalesikhathi kumele
ngabe usedubulile okokuqala. Sekuyisikhathi sokumdubulisa okwesibili.
Shutheka lomthondokazi wakho kancane hhayi wonke. Menze ngesihloko
kahlanu bese ubhuxeke wonke kanye, uphinda phinda lokhu aze adubule.

humbula ukuthi ungayeki ukumqabula. Loku kwenza umqondo unganaki kakhulu
ngenzansi ngaleyo ndlela kawudubuli engakadubuli. Lampho umuzwa ehayiza
dima ungajahi ukuchama, akahayize aqede kuthi lapha ethi cababa,
sekukuweke uma usukhathele ungadubula kepha uma amandla esakhona qhubeka
umdubulise okwesithathu ndoda yamadoda. Loku kumele kukuthathe 45-60
minutes. iRound eyodwa! Ngeke aphinde asokole owakwakho.

Speed kills!

Dlula bedlana umfana ongenamona